My PB + J

VCUG & rant

first, i need to make a statement: this is my blog! my opinions, my feelings. i share about my family and how we deal with events on a daily basis. yes, my son was born with a cleft lip. before he was born i was scared shitless. the doctors told us he would be born with a cleft lip and palate, parents worry. the feelings i expressed on my blog are honest. my son was born with only half of the original diagnosis, we feel more than blessed. so, to the snarky comments stay away. until you are in my shoes you have no idea what i am going through as a parent, or what my son is going through. i so want to call out the anonymous comments that have been left for me, but you know who are you. if you were once a friend, a complete stranger, i don’t care for you to read my blog. you must be a miserable soul. 
now, that i have gotten that off my chest i can now go on to write about my son whom i have not written about besides his monthly letters because i was scared of a virtual bully. 
when i was pregnant my ob/gyn had informed me that his left kidney was more dilated than the right. when he was a few weeks old we took him to the hospital to have an ultrasound of his kidneys now that he was an outside baby. dr. martinez called a few hours later and said that the left was still in fact a little larger and said radiology would be calling to schedule a vcug. we finally got the call a month later and went in last friday. i was a nervous mess! i just kept smiling at him and he would coo and smile back not knowing what small procedure he was about to endure. i know these things are so routine but it’s just sad to watch them cry out of pain. 
beforehand, while we waited for the doctor he was happy as can be. 
i thought he looked so cute in the oversized gown. 

i had the maturity level of a fourteen-year-old, i had to snap a picture of the gonad shields, they made me giggle. 
looking at his bladder filling up 

we got the results right away. he does not have kidney reflux which is great news! but, his left kidney dilatation is still larger than the right. we should be hearing from his pedi on the next step. probably another ultrasound in a few months to check on it again. 

my fav picture of the day. i love his eyes, just like his sisters they just speak to me. he is such a happy baby!

brayden’s nursery – modern zoo {gray & teal}

i am finally taking the time to post about b’s nursery. from the moment i found out i was pregnant i knew the room would be gray it just depended on if it was going to be gray/yellow or gray/aqua. once we found out he was a he, i found michael miller’s zoology fabric and knew where the inspiration was headed. it just took us until a few weeks ago to finally (semi)finish his room because of being displaced, reorganizing and the biggest furniture painting fail, ever. bless my husbands heart. since it’s the second kid, and we’re cheap we decided we would re-finish my nieces crib and changing table and then my childhood dresser. the dresser and changing table were a breeze but the crib was a huge pain in the ass. my perfectionist of a husband was not happy with the finished product so we utilized the room for diaper changes and to place all of his clothing. it’s not like the newborn is actually sleeping in there anyhow, which you cannot tell a first time mom, but being the second time i was not worried at all. my deadline for the complete room was by four months when he is actually sleeping in there and we got there at two-and-a-half months. i do have to thank my mother-in-law for saving my husbands sanity by purchasing b a new crib for christmas. i am okay with how it turned out but we still need a new closet door. i am waiting for his six-month photos to place a large canvas print in that voided space in the photo below. and, i totally dislike having two doors in this room, but opening my garage door to do laundry is way out of the question. anyhow, it’s done for now, it’s functional which is all that truly matters. 
the lamp shade will change, it was in p’s nursery which doesn’t match any longer but i cannot part with it because i love it too much. we will eventually add a small tv. 
p’s elephant passed on to her brother that was given by auntie. 

the center artwork was a gift from janelle. not sure of the vendor but i love it. 

abc/123 artwork: ink tree press
custom crib bedding: katrina creations
raining elephant artwork: galerie anais

A Letter to Brayden – 1 Month

Dearest Brayden-
   I cannot believe you are already a month, it seems like we just brought you home yesterday. Time is surely flying by a lot faster with you being home with us now. You are such a sweet and calm baby boy. You definitely get this from your daddy, because we know I am anything but calm. I do have to say that since you have arrived I have been a lot more calm, maybe not so much when you and your sister cry at the same time or choose to have opposite nap times but this will all get better with time. Your eating habits have gotten much better and you are now taking two to four ounces with ease. The days in the hospital where I thought we would have a really difficult time feeding because of the cleft (taking in too much air and spitting everything out) have all gone away now that you have figured out how to suck. While I tried to breastfeed you it did not work because we really needed to see how much you were consuming since you lost 1+ pound after birth. This time around I am okay with this outcome unlike with your sister. I know you are thriving and honestly, that’s all that matters in the end. Dr. Martinez was also watching you for jaundice, you had several bilirubin tests to rule it out and after two weeks you have been cleared. You also had your first ultrasound on your kidneys to check them now that you’re an outside baby. The results concluded that your right kidney is still dilated and you have to go in for a small procedure. We also met with your surgeon, Dr. Sinow, for your surgery consultation. He completely ruled out the cleft palate now that he could see all the way down your throat unlike in the hospital when you just screamed at him. We went over the procedure and he said that we can expect the surgery to be performed around the three to four month mark instead of two to three since you were technically a preemie. You need to gain some additional weight and stay healthy and then it’s a go! This first month has been full of appointments, excitement and joy; you truly fit right in to our crazy little family. Daddy and I truly don’t know what life was like without you in it, because it seems like you have always been here. You complete my heart and our family. I love you sweet, sweet boy.

One-Month Stats:

  • 7 pounds 4.4 ounces – finally catching up to your almost birth weight
  • 20.3 inches, up 1.3 since you were born. 
  • Still in newborn diapers and size 0-3 month clothing. You are a skinny little one! 
  • You love the swing which is amazing for mommy. 
  • You sleep in two to three hour intervals and the longest you have gone is five hours. 
  • Nicknames: baby brady (sissy), buddy buddy, turtle, b, brady, boo-boo and love bug. 

my family of four {newborn session}

This past Friday my dear friend, Tessa, of Grin & Share It Photography took our sweet little Brayden’s newborn photos. I have to admit that we almost didn’t take photos due to me being a negative nancy and  our financial situation. But, as usual the stars always align and we soon found ourselves sitting in her backyard studio being captured as a family of four. I know I always say it, but if you’re in the San Diego area or plan on coming here for vacation you need to book a session with her. I have worked with plenty of photographers over the years and she is the most professional, fun and engages herself so well with children to capture the best photos. I am so smitten with the photos she posted yesterday that looking at them brings tears to my eyes. I cannot thank Tessa enough for capturing our growing family yet once again. 

I had the vision of this hat the entire pregnancy. My Mom whipped it up for me the night we came home from the hospital and it couldn’t be any cuter! We will be adding these gnome hats to our etsy store in 2012! 

I purchased this gnome hat, another vision I had looked for and finally found from birdy bird boutique. She has really beautiful pieces and does auctions on her FB page if you’re looking for a great holiday gift, photo prop or shower gift. Venture on over to check out her amazing work, it’s not only quality handmade pieces but she shipped out my hat quicker than I had imagined which was great seeing as though Brayden arrived three weeks early! 
This photograph melts my heart and swells my eyes with happy tears. This is why we have children folks. 

My family is complete. 

proud big sister! 

brayden james {birth story}

{monday, october 17}
I had a really rough night sleeping. Jim had slept in Payton’s bed after being kicked out of our bed by Payton. The dog and Payton were literally sleeping on top of me the entire night. I woke-up wondering what we were going to do with our day and Payton woke up whiny, which never happens. I remembered a friend saying she was going to Kid Ventures so I started looking up where it was, how much admission was and I was texting my friend. I started to feel some cramping and felt very “off”, I sent another text to a friend that I should probably start timing the contractions. After about ten minutes of timing they were coming every two minutes so I made the call to Jim to let him know that today just might be the day. When I spoke to him I told him I would keep timing for an hour and then make the call. The contractions kept coming every two minutes and through a few I had to stop. I would just look at Payton and start crying. We were not ready for this in so many ways! I text Jim that today was the day and that he needed to come home. I worked on a bow order, packed my bag and took a quick shower. We arrived at the hospital three hours after I started timing and they immediately admitted me to triage. We did the routine check-in process and then Dr. Lai came in to check me, I was in between a five and six and said we would be having a baby today! Jim had to take Payton down to our friend Jinger who would watch her while I was in labor. While he was away I was presented with two options from Dr. Lai: go ahead with a c-section at 4:30 PM or try for a vbac. She gave me the risks, how the recovery would be easier, and we agreed that I would not push for more than an hour based on how my delivery went with Payton. Jim came back to my room and we were quickly admitted to L&D room #7. The nurses were amazing, we talked about how my delivery and stay with Payton was discouraging and how we would not walk down that path again. Since I was 36 weeks 4 days they had to pump me with antibiotics, my first dose was 5 million ml’s and I would receive the second dose of 3 million at 6:15 PM. We spent the few hours joking with our nurse, Roberta, who was hilarious. Around 4:30 PM Dr. Lai came back in to check my progress and I was around 6 1/2 cm. We discussed when I should get my epidural, we decided that I would get it prior to breaking my water so we waited an hour and I got the epidural right around 7 cm. It hurt a lot more this time around, or maybe since I was more aware of what to expect it was just more uncomfortable. The epi took into full effect, I got my second dose of antibiotics and waited for the doctor to break my water. Once they broke my water, my epi had started to wear off slightly and I felt the urge to start pushing within twenty minutes. The pushing game is no joke and honestly I was playing my own mind game. I immediately went back to when I pushed with Payton and I did not want to feel like a failure, I pushed to my hearts content. My sister held the left leg, Jim the right and my Mom propped my head up during each contraction. I gazed on at Dancing with the Stars and took in that the Bangles were singing “Manic Monday”, I remember giggling to myself and mouthing “it’s pretty ironic, huh?”  I was so hot, I had a migraine from hell and honestly just wanted to see my baby. My epi wore off again, they called in the anesthesiologist who said it had come out about one centimeter. He gave me a shot and said if that didn’t work they would have to come back in to redo it. Luckily for me it did work, I got to rest for about thirty minutes and then began pushing again. His head was making it’s way down but then would slide back, Kathy, our new nurse kept encouraging me and said she could see his hair. When I asked her what color it was she said blonde and I let out a loud woo-hoo! I felt energized to keep pushing, the doctor came back in to check out my pushing skills and said it wasn’t that I wasn’t pushing correctly, the baby was just being stubborn. She gave me two choices: go for the vacuum and push like hell as she pulled or go for the repeat c-section. It was at this moment that I felt let down once again. I didn’t want to go for the vacuum option and then fail after all that hard work to end up in the OR. I wanted this baby to come out more than anything, I wanted to accomplish a natural birth now that I had come this far so I chose the vacuum option. I remember looking at my Mom and she gave me the “are you crazy” look. I know I probably asked for someones opinion but honestly, I was in my own world. Within a minute there were about ten additional hospital staff in the room to greet our baby with the biggest birthday party yet. 
As the doctor inserted the vacuum I prepped myself mentally. I knew this would be the hardest work yet and I didn’t care what the risk was to me. The word laceration kept running through my mind but I wanted to see my baby. Everything started moving so fast, I would push and through the contraction I would look at the vacuum measure to see how things were progressing. My epidural had worn off again and I didn’t care that I could feel everything. With a few contractions I could feel his head make it’s way through, then the shoulders and then I was holding my angel. Karen and rest of the room looked over at the clock and she let out a high pitched “12:00 AM on the dot, I guess he wanted his own day”.  It was the best feeling in the world, something I feel I was robbed of with Payton. I was screaming of pain, but crying because he was here. Jim quickly cut the umbilical cord and then they took him over to the table where Pediatrics was to measure and see how the cleft took into play. I watched but couldn’t see anything, Jim turned around with tears in his eyes and said that his palate wasn’t affected and our prayers had been answered. I was instantly hysterical. His cleft lip made me smile, he was gorgeous and perfect in every way. All our worrying for months had been swept away, our biggest fear of lifetime of palate surgeries and touch-ups were gone. Our family was all together, looking at our angel. I have never felt so complete then at that very moment. My family left and then it was just Jim, Brayden and I. We kept talking to Karen and staring on at our baby, they moved us over to my new room and that’s when we started our journey as parents of two under two. 
Brayden James has completed my heart, he is absolutely perfect and an angel sent to me by God. 
Brayden James 
October 18, 2011
12:00 AM
7 pounds 5 ounces 
19 inches