real housewives

housewives recap {rhoc}

heather: i cannot wait for next week to see her party. that cake was a hot mess. did the baker misunderstand her party for a sweet sixteen? i totally saw her vision.

gretchen: first of all, if you found the text in your boyfriends phone about a possible ring would you confront him? i actually feel badly for slade. yes, folks you read it here first. i finally feel for slade.

tamra: this entire episode was, is he going to propose, or isn’t he? i swear they could’ve cut thirty minutes out of the guessing and showed other things. at least she reacted sincerely, i actually got choked up, okay, slightly. the vacay was definitely a dream vacay. i dream of bora bora waters.

vicki: don’t even get me started on brooks’ new teeth. $15k?!?! vicki i pray for your sake you stay together and prove everyone wrong. and a fur? goodness gracious. again, don’t me started.

alexis: thank you bravo gods for cutting alexis’ appearance to a long minute and thirty seconds. that’s all. i am one happy real housewives viewer due to your gift this week.

housewives recap {rhoc}

i have been receiving several e-mails over the past few weeks asking why i haven’t been doing my recaps. it’s not that i stopped watching the show, it’s that i have been watching them after wednesday and i figured nobody really read them except for my mom, sister and janelle. well, i am back for this week. btw, did any of you watch new york on monday? gosh. it was boring. i turned it off and went back to it yesterday. new ladies are obnoxious and quite frankly, odd looking. um, heather (the new york heather) was clearly a child of sucking on a binky until grammar school. god, i could go on forever about that train wreck, new york used to be so good.

heather: on her name change, i thought it was great that she finally did it, i think that her married name sounds much more professional and i loved terry’s reaction. heather remains to stay legit. she is funny and wise and um, hello, real. again, week after week i am still loving her. i loved how she approached alexis the next morning to see if she was okay and to explain herself.

gretchen: when she went to therapy with slade i felt so badly for her. maybe it’s because i follow her via all social media outlets and i see the lovey dovey pics of her and slade but it seems like she is unhappy but maybe that’s just for tv? if he hasn’t figure out his money issues, will he ever? i like the gretchen that’s coming out, being honest and not flipping out every five seconds on tamra. when tamra, gretchen and vicki were at lunch it seemed like everything was okay, which was great FINALLY!

tamra: first, she looked fab when she met alexis for drinks. the only thing i can say about costa rica is wow. way to confront alexis. i loved how they were about to go rafting and they all show up in their lulelemon acting like they didn’t know they were going to get wet.

vicki: brianna’s engagement party made me see a different side to vicki, not that i didn’t already know she was all about her but brooks is off his rocker, or is he on it? he’s playing the vicki game. in costa rica she goes slightly off her rocker when their planting the trees. then, the melodramatic nonsense while rafting and being upset about the matchy-matchy outfits. i can’t even go into the whole don, kids, regretting divorce stuff. just get back with don.

alexis: i wish i could say that alexis still doesn’t bother me but i cannot. costa rica was a train wreck as was the twins’ birthday party. i am, however, starting to feel sorry for her because she acts the way she does to keep up with the OC standards and because of her douche bag husband.

and because i never shared…memorial day weekend janelle and i headed to la jolla to meet crazy herself. yes, we spent money on her cookbook, we said hi, and of course she loved the guidette family in front of us and cared less about us california girls, or maybe it’s because my name is melissa?

housewives recap – glamping {rhoc}

heather: i love how she blasts alexis, it makes me happy. watching these women cook over fire cracks me up. at least heather was listening. she’s pretty savvy this heather. i love that her husband drives a prius. makes me like terry even more. i also believe she is spot on with believing there is something alexis is hiding.

gretchen: guzzle some dayquil and suck it up woman! you have a cold, you can see it in your face.

tamra: the boobies look better. i cannot believe she kept her implants, weird. if alexis’ implants are that big, omg.

vicki: nice apology but did she only do it to spite tamra? i think so. i love that brianna went glamping with them.

alexis: glamping? can’t bend over? can’t do this, can’t do that. what can you do? even your pre-made smores were pathetic. dance party in the car. . .oy vey. you got a simple nose job, it’s not the end of the world. it does not make you any more important. all white camping? your not at the ski resort. fake rings, flashy cars, not understanding the house situation; girl…admit you’re broke.

the hubby says: “it would be nice if there was a bear and ate all their asses”. “jim obviously isn’t as wealthy as we all see”. “her nose doesn’t look that great”.

housewives recap – hi my name is sarah and i rode in on a spaceship…from norcal. {rhoc}

heather: loved the champ & bowling party. so something i would throw, ya know, given my extensive bowling background. i loved her impression of cray cray sarah. maybe she was an actress after all…

sarah: first, i am piffed that i even had to add her thumbnail back to my post. if bravo wants to add drama seek a valid source. this girl did walk straight off a spaceship, but i think any alien would be classified as normal after seeing her performance. norcal is not an excuse. you’re f-ing nuts. sarah + champs = nutso. okay, maybe it is the norcal in you.

gretchen: her voice coach session was embarrassing and the dog had the right decision by running away. i doubt it was the barely screaming at vicki that made your voice go, you sound sick…idiot. this girl cannot sing and obviously she got bowling confused with going to a ho-down. again, as an ex-bowler i was saddened by her performance, form and choice of outfit yet again. i cannot wait to the reunion when alexis calls out gretchen for going to see tamra in recovery vs. going to see her. on a side note: slade seemed non-douche-baggy at the bowling party. i kinda smiled at the end. i said kinda.

tamra: the removal of her implants is looking like a big mistake. i think she might regret it, but who knows. i loved her full face of make-up too, yeah right. i still love her though.

vicki: wow. she deserves an award for remaining calm during the madness sarah brought. the cards brooks gives is cute, i do think he is after her money. that convo at lunch was awkward. vicki, can i please get a rundown of your assets before i move onto tomorrows greeting card?

alexis: said. the um. aria……………um. adria. OH MY GOODNESS san diego fox 5. give me an effing break. like i said in week one, i am embarrassed to watch any san diego news channel after her performance. she should so not be involved with anything besides looking cute and wearing an apron. i am usually the first to jump on the dislike jim bandwagon but he was spot on with his one flesh statement. he is just as embarrassed as all us san diegans are to witness his wife on local news. btw. where did he throw her jacket?! so lame. “no judgment only love” – kristen chenoworth

GAHH! i am dying watching watch what happens:live. i love me some kristen chenoworth and one of my favs jeana keough.

housewives recap – holy slime batman! {rhoc}

heather: egh. a million dollars, if the restaurant fails after two years, who cares!? i wish that was my problem. six investors? i agree with vicki, run for the hills woman. hi. my name is heather, i am bored and just want to spend my husbands money. who the heck are those other women and what do their husbands do?

gretchen: you want to follow after christina or pink? they can sing, er, they have talent girlfriend. please stop licking your lips like ll cool j. what the heck was up with your bedazzled ‘team slade’ tank? it would have been hilarious to have watched her extensions go up in flames, is that sick of me!?

tamra: pretty quiet this episode. taking implants out? i just want to know what this looks like for future reference.

vicki: hearing about brianna breaks my heart. i could not imagine myself in her position. knowing that her doctor says it’s the worst he’s seen just makes my jaw drop. i guess that explains her weight gain.

alexis: holy nose slim. okay, totally justifiable on why you went under the knife. what and the heck was she wearing to her post-op? michael jackson died. move away. i think she should’ve had her nose slightly slimmed.

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