My PB + J

{a cleft journey} Meeting with the cleft doctor

I have slipped back into that black abyss that took over my soul just two short months ago. I would like to admit that having the 4D ultrasounds done has lifted my spirits but after this morning I have been shot back down to ground zero looking for hope, somewhere. The phrases filling my head of people telling me, “it’s not that bad”, “I can barely tell” and “it’s just a surgery. . .everything will be fine” are like a stab in the heart because the true reality after our meeting this morning is wanting to believe it isn’t that bad, but it is. A lifetime of surgeries are ahead for our little boy, we will be with our doctor, granted we stay in San Diego this long but until Brayden in seventeen years old. The line up of surgeries and therapy is mind boggling and when Dr. Nelson turned to me after his thirty minute explanation of my son’s future and said, “you know, I just have to remind you that there’s nothing you two did to prevent this”. Thanks. Another shot to my heart and honestly I just wanted to bawl my f-ing eyes out because I was so overwhelmed and to top it off Payton was seconds away from sticking her finger in the electrical outlet while noming on my chapstick lid. Parent of the year here folks. Hearing all of the information we heard today wasn’t anything that we had not already read while doing research but instead it was a reality check. I think I was in la-la land telling myself, it’s only a 2 mm  tear (as of now) and as long as we make it to January when the first surgery should happen I will be okay. But today we learned the first surgery to fix the lip will not happen until four, five or six months old. The palate, which now I am praying on my lucky stars we are blessed with something minor (trying to think positively here) because that surgery will not happen until nine or ten months old. My major question was, what happens after he’s born? Here’s the run down I got:

I will still have my scheduled c-section and at some point after his arrival when we have bonded we are supposed to ask our nurse to page Dr. Nelson because he likes to come visit while in the hospital. The good thing with this news is that I was under the impression from our genetic counselor that he would be whisked off and evaluated by the cleft team shortly after birth. This will now come at some point during the first month when we have a scheduled visit with the eight doctor team.

I will be staying in the hospital an extra one to two days for extra feeding/therapy care. While the c-section already lands me in the hospital for three to four days I can now expect to be there just shy of a week. They will bring in a lactation specialist and occupational therapist who will work with me to see if he will be able to suck. Most cleft babies have a hard time because the negative energy cannot suck the milk to the back of the mouth resulting in the use of the Haberman Special Needs Bottle which has an elongated nipple that sits further back in the mouth versus a tradition nipple. The bottle has a softer body which allows the parent to squeeze the milk into the babies mouth as they are attempting to suck. He described this as watching the baby attempt to take a breath and that’s when we would squeeze, reality check for mommy and daddy was rough again forcing me to want to curl into a ball and cry. Then, they pretty much send us on our way with our happy, healthy, feeding well baby like they would any new parent and pray for great growth and fat supply for his upcoming surgeries. We will have normal visits with our Pediatrician, Dr. Martinez, and in that first month just a visit with the cleft team. Then we wait for time to pass…

The overall timeline of events we were given on our handy dandy educational printout, A Parent’s Guide. Not that you necessarily care, but knowing me I will lose it so this will serve as a nice friendly reminder. After we leave the hospital we will:

  • See Dr. Martinez in 2 to 3 days and 2 weeks. 
  • See a Plastic Surgeon in 2 to 4 weeks. 
  • See Genetics Pediatrician in 2 to 4 weeks. 
  • See Head & Neck Surgeon in 2 to 4 weeks for hearing test and decide whether or not to put in middle ear ventilation tubes when the cleft lip or palate is repaired. 
  • Cleft lip repair done anywhere from 3 to 6 months. 
  • Cleft palate repair done between 9 and 12 months. 
  • Speech therapy starts around 18 months. 
  • Regular appointment with cleft team every 6 to 8 months for the first 4 to 6 years. 
  • Meet with Orthodontist around age six to discuss braces. 
  • Minor surgical revisions of the lip/palate/nose are sometimes needed before school starts since the face is growing and they are just fixing the areas. 
  • Alveolar cleft/bone graft surgery is done to repair the cleft defect in the upper jaw and gums between ages 6 and 8. 
  • Corrective jaw surgery after adolescents facial and jaw bones are done growing. An upper jaw surgery is often done to correct for the overbite associated with initial cleft defect, from what Dr. Nelson said, it gives a more full look to the face basically bringing the jaw forward. This happens around 16 to 18 years of age.
And as the appointment was ending after an hour Dr. Nelson invited us to the SD Kaiser Craniofacial Cleft family picnic in Liberty Station on September 10th. He said it would be good for us to see families in our situation and to hear their stories. As he sent us on our way he welcomed us as his newest patients into  the cleft family, aren’t we so lucky?
We left the appointment and honestly I would have been better driving off alone but instead I sat in the almost silent car except for a few meltdowns from the P’ster as she flung her entire bag of goldfish everywhere and squeezed her apple juice all over herself wanting to just break the F down. I couldn’t and kept my composure and quietly Jim would ask if I was okay as I swept tears from under my sunglasses and I said yes. The reality of all of this is sinking in because we are 10 weeks away from this life changing reality. I wish I could just be pregnant forever and never let him out to experience everything he is going to have to for the rest of his life. I want to protect him. I also want to run away with Payton and escape from this reality. I don’t want it to happen. I am so afraid of my future that it scares the crap out of me. I love my little family the way it is, I don’t want it to change. I sit here with tears flowing and Payton comes over to me looking at me to make sure everything is okay and I just ask her for a hug, a hug which lasted for three minutes of me grabbing her and holding onto her. Dampening her blonde locks with my salty tears looking for some hope, she just laid in my arms as if she knew what I was going through offering me her silent solace. I know we will be okay, because we have enough love to make it work but I have to say that I am going to enjoy my last two months of what I know as “normal”. 

Merry Fluffy Christmas Giveaway Event

I am very excited to announce that I am partcipating in the Merry Fluffy Christmas giveaway event which is taking place from December 1st through the 5th. This event is going to be huge! There are roughly thirty-seven blogs that are involved, each with their own separate giveaway all valued at a minimum $50 package So, if you or someone you know loves a fluffy bottom then make sure to stay tuned for this event.

Currently my giveaway package includes these wonderful sponsors:

Grandma El’s – Diaper Rash Remedy & Prevention 
Grandma El’s is “the last diaper ointment you’ll ever buy”.
A company that started in 1974, Grandma El’s, is the last ointment you’ll buy to save your little one’s behind. The ointment promotes the growth of new skin collagen which helps the healing process. 
Grandma El’s on Facebook   |    Grandma El’s Free Sample 
Changing Diapers by Kelly Wels 
Are you considering joining the cloth diapering movement?
Baby loves a soft, fluffy butt. 
You save big bucks and the planet
Eco-friendly cloth diapers are fashionable too. 
Yes, cloth diapering is fun for mom (and dads). 
The leading cloth diaper expert Kelly Wels has gotcha covered in the definitive guide to everything you need to know (and forgot to ask) about cloth diapering: “Changing Diapers: A Hip Mom’s Guide to Modern Cloth Diapering”. 

Buy the book  |  Changing Diapers on Facebook  |  Kelly Wels on Twitter
Baby Nappy Balm 
A “no nasty chemicals” baby balm that helps cure diaper rash, cradle cap and other irritations. 
Buy here 

ROCKin Green Laundry Detergent 



ROCKin Green Laundry detergent isn’t your normal go-to detergent. When Kim Webb founded the company in 2009 she desired a product that was not only safe for sensitive skin but worked great on cloth diapering. The neat thing about ROCKin Green is that you can choose a formula for your water type, these are known as their Hard, Soft and Classic Rock formulas. Not a cloth diaper user? This detergent works great on any household product from smelly slippers, hard water stained shower curtains and even carpet! Have I convinced you yet?

Buy Here  |    ROCKin Green on Twitter   |    Rockin Green on Facebook   

Payton’s 20 Months & Evi Luna Boutique {Giveaway}

In honor of Payton entering her 20th month I have decided to giveaway a pettiskirt from my etsy shop, Evi Luna Boutique. This is a pretty special giveaway because she is now into the two digits and we are four short months away from her second birthday! We are also transitioning her nursery into her big girl room so, what better way to celebrate than to do a giveaway for one of my favorite items in my shop, the Wild Child Petti. I have recently reduced the prices on all of the super soft chiffon petti’s to $25, which is a super steal because the skirt can grow with any little princess as it fits ages one through four! Want to win one? Here’s how:

You can leave up to five comments, choose to do one or all five, it’s up to you! Make sure to leave your e-mail address in at least one comment.

1. Leave a comment telling me who the skirt is for.
2. Tweet about the giveaway using #evilunaboutique.
3. Blog about the giveaway and leave a comment linking back.
4. “Like” my Evi Luna Facebook Page here
5. Be a follower of my blog.

It’s that simple! Giveaway will run from today until August 25th at midnight. Good luck!

A Penn State Graduate & A Sweet Tooth {plus a Recipe}

The lovely lady below is my sister. She recently finished her courses at Penn State University which makes for an uber proud big sister. I am probably the most proud because I was her biggest critic and she proved me wrong. You know, there is a thing about admitting when your wrong and something even more special when you realize you we were wrong. You see, my sister, Lindsay, started her family very young and her big sister wasn’t the most supportive, I used to tell her that she would never graduate college and if she ever did she would have to wait until all three of her kids were in school. She met the right guy, purchased a gorgeous home and set her goal on finishing her degree in Criminal Justice. And you know what? She did and she aced her classes. I have to admire her strength, determination and perseverance in staying focused and true to herself. This past Saturday our family and close friends celebrated her Bachelors with a huge party at her house. Let’s just say this big sister was really proud and happy to see her ‘lil sis let loose. I love you and congrats on this huge milestone. Now get a job! he he. 

I was in charge of the dessert bar, which I over did it as usual. 

Cheesecake parfaits {recipe below}

the adorable centerpieces she made

The dessert bar consisted of: Carrot Cake Cupcakes (her fav), Grandma’s Mini Chocolate Cupcakes, Brown Sugar Shortbread, Cake Batter Truffles (sis made these), Cheesecake Parfaits & Plenty of candy for all the kiddos! 

The drink that made the night that much more memorable! 

and the peanut of course! 
 No-Bake Cheesecake Parfaits
I made 20 parfaits so I doubled the filling recipe, the crust was enough for all 20. 
For the Crust:
  • 1 sleeve of Graham Crackers
  • 1 TB Sugar
  • 1 Stick of Butter
  1. Combine the sugar, crackers and butter in food processor until finely ground and combined. Spoon 1 teaspoon of crust into each container and slightly press down.
For the Filling:
  • 1 8 oz. package of Cream Cheese, at room temperature
  • 1 14 oz. can Sweetened Condensed Milk 
  • 2 TB. Lemon Juice 
  • 1 tsp. Vanilla 
  • Filling of choice – I used Cherry. 
  1. In a food processor combine all of the in ingredients except for filling and puree until smooth. Spoon Filling 3/4 of the way into the container and then top with filling. 
  2. Chill for at least an hour to set. 
I purchased the containers here 
The Mini Forks were purchased from Party City 

25 things you don’t know . . . {Blog Hop}

The mastermind behind the Everyday Mama is doing her first blog hop today and the topic is twenty-five things you don’t know about me. The thought of putting twenty-five facts down about yours truly does sounds daunting, are there even twenty-five interesting things about me? Well, let’s see…

  1. My nickname growing up was Missy Pooh. I still have two friends that call me this today. 
  2. My hair is an ashy blonde so I enhance it by brightening it up.  
  3. I love Lay’s Salt & Vinegar chips (and so does my daughter)
  4. I eat Snickers in layers 
  5. I sucked my thumb until I was fourteen. Don’t laugh or judge. 
  6. My husband was my first real boyfriend I actually liked. 
  7. My degree is in English with an emphasis in Poetry, yet I haven’t written a poem in about four years. 
  8. I wouldn’t have made it through community college if it weren’t for my hubby, then boyfriend. I couldn’t even write my own papers so he “helped” me do them. 
  9. I was a competitive bowler and got through my first two years of college with bowling scholarships I had won.
  10. I worked at TGI Friday’s for eight years, I haven’t worked there for four years yet I can still tell you descriptions, menu recipes, etc. 
  11. My favorite color is brown. 
  12. I crave a Venti unsweetened black tea lemonade and have to get one everyday, it’s a pregnancy thing. I normally drink Starbuck’s double shots and in the fall anything with pumpkin. 
  13. I could eat pasta everyday of the week. 
  14. I have not been organized in four years and want to be so badly. 
  15. I could not live without my rainbow sandals. 
  16. I have struggled with depression for three years. Even though I know one of the main triggers I still obsess about it causing me to continue to take medication. I have not taken it while being pregnant, don’t worry, but I worry about after the baby is born. 
  17. I have owned four cars in thirteen years. 
  18. I have had plastic surgery. 
  19. I love burning candles, especially after daylight savings. The fragrance of Fall in the early evening and the flickering of the light brings me peace. 
  20. I love to be alone. 
  21. Halloween is my favorite holiday along with Thanksgiving. 
  22. I love giving presents and get embarrassed when I receive one. It’s just so much more fun giving than receiving. 
  23. I am not a jewelry, shoe or handbag person. I would like to say that I am simple being especially now that I am a mom. 
  24. I have never been given a surprise party yet I have thrown a handful of them. I guess that goes with not liking surprises very much. 
  25. I want nothing more than to be a stay at home mom. Just need to figure out how!