I am only writing this post to help me get my thoughts down, to help me settle my fears, anxiety and tears of what the unknown will soon bring to my future. I, or we, will soon have a baby boy that is different. To even type this word swells my eyes with tears that are overflowing and overflowing to where my head is about to burst. I have asked myself a million times what I did wrong, or what I could have done differently but sadly there isn’t an answer. Nobody has an answer, except for God and his plan for me and my unborn child. I am one ordinary woman who believes in God, and has done ordinary things her whole life. He has now done something extraordinary and given me my son. As much as I sit here wanting the news I was given yesterday after my 20-week ultrasound to be a part of a nightmare, I have already woken up and have to face the reality that we will have a son that will be born with a unilateral cleft lip. There will be surgeries upon surgeries, my baby will be taken away from me soon after birth to be assessed by a cleft team and then we will begin our journey as a family with struggles. As the parent I know I am in more pain than he will ever remember but I have one perfect little angel now and I saw him just as perfect. I sit and picture the moment after they take him from me, will I even want to look at him? Will I enter the same deep depression I did soon after Payton that took me away from everyone and everything? I am mortified, scared and fear the unknown.
We have met with a genetic counselor and our next step is to have an amnio on Tuesday that will help rule out any other possibilities of any genetic disorders. Though, everything else about my baby looks normal the doctors and our newly assigned team of specialists want to ensure that he is okay and that this is just a isolated problem that mother nature simply missed. Some of you might think I am a selfish woman, and to you, please do not comment. Nothing can comfort me in knowing that my baby just isn’t perfect.
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My heart goes out to you. I cant even begin to imagine what you are going through! I will pray for you and your little one. May God bless you and your family. You are not selfish at all. Every woman wants her baby to be perfect! I wish we could see each other as God does, because in His eyes we are all perfect!
I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through right now, but what I do know from reading your posts is that you are one strong mama! And you and the hubs have so much love to give that sweet little boy and he is going to be so blessed to have the two of you as parents. I’ll be keeping you and your in family in our prayers.
Praying for you right now. You are one strong lady and will make it through anything. That little boy is so lucky to be born into your family and have such loving and caring parents! Hugs.
Our prayers, thoughts and lots of love..You are both strong and amazing people, he is going to be so lucky to have such a wonderful family. We will be here for you ALWAYS no matter what you may need…Much much love
Be gentle with yourself. I don’t think you need to feel bad about freaking out a little. Everyone wants a healthy and happy baby…it’s natural to be worried.
Hang in there!
Everyone who has already commented said it best – I cannot even begin to imagine what it is you are feeling right now. I can try like hell to relate, but I don’t know first hand.
I will say, Melissa, that it is okay for you to feel the way you do. It isn’t selfish. You just know the way our world is…and sadly, it can be truly shitty to people who are in any way different.
I am sorry your son will be born with a cleft lip, but I am happy to know that things will be done for him, things that can help him. Just know that there are many, many children who do not have the benefit of having it fixed.
No matter what anyone says to you, in the long run, it won’t matter. Just know that we all love you and your family. And whether your son has a cleft lip or not, he is still beautiful and perfect in many other ways.
Hang in there, Melissa. I wish I lived closer because I would give you a HUGE hug right now. If you need to talk, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I am a great listener and I have an incredibly sturdy shoulder to lean on.
Sending thoughts, prayers, and lots of love from one Mama to another. ♥
I completely understand. My 2nd son was diagnosed with a very rare metabolic disorder called homocystinuria. My inital thoughts were the same. What did I do wrong? Am I being punished? Will this diagnosises make my post partum depression come back like I had with my first son? My son is now 2, we have been through alot and still have lots to go through. My son’s future can’t be planned and he will never be “normal” but you know what, he is my baby! He IS perfect and normal. He was given to me by God for a reason. Special kids are given to special moms, moms that can handle it and will do everything to give them wonderful lives. My son has shown me how strong I can be. I’ve been able to keep him healthy, be an advocate for HCU (homocystinuria) and be the first in the US to start a foundation for people living with this disorder. Just like my son gave me strength and purpose far beyond what I thought I was capable of, you son will do the same. Just keep thinking he is perfect, because he is a GIFT from God. You can handle it, that is why he is your gift.
Bridgett
for everyone that says, “sorry he isn’t perfect or normal”, remind them that HE IS PERFECT!! Just because he isn’t like everyone else doesn’t make him NOT perfect or normal. My son is on 5 meds a day, a very restrictive medical diet and has to do blood work every month. This will never change and will be a lifestyle but that is NORMAL for him. My son is NORMAL and PERFECT!
I’m praying for you!! Don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s completely natural to feel the way you do. I know I certainly would. I’m sure you won’t be able to take your eyes off of your sweet little boy, he’s your baby, you’re instincts will take over. Blessings to you and your hubby!
I can’t imagine what you are going through being given this kind of news at this point in your pregnancy, but I do completely understand what its like being told your baby isn’t “perfect”. Those first few months with Mady were devastating for us, the never ending tests and procedures, finally getting an accurate diagnosis, and having to come to terms that she would need hearing aids to function normally. Finding out its s genetic issue and knowing any future children could have the same issue was difficult too. The reality is that its absolutely heartbreaking to know that your child might have some extra struggles in life, that there isn’t anything you can do about it, to wonder what you did to deserve this, and to just want to scream that its just not fair.
However, I also know what its like to hold my baby and know that despite all appearances, and despite what the doctors or society will say, my child IS perfect. Yours is too. And he’ll be so loved, and you’ll be the best and most perfect mom for him.
Im so sorry Melissa. Of course every mother wants a perfect baby and you should never feel bad for feeling that way. He will be amazing and you will all survive this together. My heart aches for you that you have to go through this. If I can help in anyway please tell me. Love and prayers
I wrote you on FB today. I also second everything Kirsten said! I didn’t know what it was earlier today when I read your note on FB. I almost breathed a sigh of relief when I read what it was. Its not to say, in the least, this isnt hard…but I am so happy its not a health or internal issue, etc. And, he already is perfect, perfect, perfect as can be! You will love holding him and will want to stare at him and you will feel that love fill your heart. I was told mommas have a special bond with their sons, and even though i don’t have a girl to compare it to, I believe it! He will be your little angel no matter what. Hugs!
(((huge, huge hugs))) And I agree with others who have posted that your son IS perfect. He has a lot of people praying for him in hopes that everything can be repaired and fixed once he joins us.
If you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask. Good thoughts and prayers are being sent for you and your son, Mel.