One week from today I return to work. I have dreaded this day since I went out on maternity leave on November 25th. I have hysterically cried, sat here with grief and wished for something short of a miracle that would keep me from returning. I have taken out my frustrations on the hubs, which I regret, I just know that I will never get this time ever again. Days where PJ’s never get taken off, the hair and make-up not done for days, The Today Show right as I wake-up and continuing into the 10 o’clock hour to tune into Kathy Lee and Hoda. Right as the clock strikes 11 when the tune to Deal or No Deal comes on I know it’s time to start my day. Even if I sit here all day, where my rear has left an indention on our couch, I am okay because it’s been a great day with my baby. I am mortified to return, I have sunk back into the depression that haunted me in late 2008 and have tried to work these issues out in my head but unfortunately, I haven’t been able to. The shower has become my place to think, cry and silently scream. I am envious of all the mother’s that don’t have to work. I ask myself why everyday but I know I have to in order to provide for my baby and to keep this roof over our heads. I have to enjoy this last week, I cannot let my fears overtake me!
Aww 🙁 I know it will probably be really hard but everything will be fine! I’ll be thinking about you.
I’m so sorry 🙁 That is so so hard. Somehow it will all work out the way it’s meant to but I know that isn’t going to make it better right now. H+Ps!
that is the hardest decision ever!! and I totally understand how you feel.. I cried everyday on my way to work and home! but trust me, it gets better each day:) Hang in there!.
Right there with you… (((hugs)))
That was my life 4 months ago, right down to the Deal or No Deal means time to get ready! And I had (and well, still have) those same thoughts, feelings and frustrations about having to go back to work…it just doesn’t seem fair that other moms don’t have to work, and that someone else gets to spend all day with my baby. Its definitely not how I wanted things to be. But, it does get better, and even though I still hate leaving Mady every morning and I still cry and whine about it, I’ve had to just accept the situation as is for now. And I’m sure Miss P will be well taken care of…and you’ll be sure to always make the most of the time you continue to have together!
You can do it! Hope you feel better soon.
I went back to work today! I am having a good day but I was devastated yesterday. Good luck! Enjoy your last week and savor every minute with your angel… maybe you will discover a way to stay at home (if that’s what you want)…praying for some peace for you…Sara
I am so sorry Melissa… everything works out… and sometimes we don’t know how or why… but in the end it is the love you have Payton that really matters. And I am sure she knows how much you love her, how could she not?!?
Hi Melissa… I dont even know how I found your blog but i love looking at all your gorgeous cupcakes 🙂 I had to go back to work when my baby was a couple months old… it is so hard but let me encourage you IT GETS EASIER! I totally understand the desire to stay at home and even the resentment it can cause in a marriage. Sometimes being a good mom looksdifferent than satying at home. just know you are doing what you can for your family… hope that helps 🙂 your little girl is adorable by the way!!
This is exactly what I am dreading when I go on maternity leave & have to return to work. I give you a lot of credit for putting your feelings out there. I can’t speak from experience, but it will slowly get better & you will slowly get into a good little routine.
You’re in my prayers 🙂
awww im sure thats the hardest thing =( but i hope it gets easier <3 and the return is easier on you
Do not think because you are going back to work, you will not still be there 110% for your daughter. You will be and you will continue to be a wonderfully fantastic Mom to Miss P! Chin up, my friend – you can do it!!!
Aw, I am so sorry. 🙁 You can do this – hang in there!