Lack of Commitment

When Payton was born we were asked by our extended family if she was going to baptized. I knew in my heart she had to be even if I am not. I wouldn’t be able to deal with my decision of not getting her baptized if something were ever to happen to her. Jim and I started talking about what church, what denomination and what our beliefs were. We decided on a church neither of us had attended but I had wanted to for years. The denomination of Presbyterian was chosen because my parents were married Presbyterian and since I am not baptized I thought it was the best decision. A few days after our decision I made a call to the church to organize P’s baptism, Anne, whom I had spoken to asked if we were members and if we had planned on attending. I felt a little awkward when she asked me this but I wanted to make the arrangements for her baptism in April anyway. The hard part for me was actually making the commitment to attending. It took me until three weeks ago to start attending their contemporary service on Saturday evenings. On my first visit I took Payton with me and I mingled, introduced myself and sat in the back of the sanctuary just in case she was getting fussy. This was the perfect service to go to for my first visit, talking about the remembrance of Chelsea King and immediately I thought of her and my Grandmother. When the band starting singing their first songs I was in tears, completely moved while I yearned for my lost one. That evening I made the commitment to attend every week.

Last evenings service really moved me. It was about doubt and the fear of letting God into your life. The entire time I felt like the Pastor was talking directly to me. I have been doubtful my entire life, always asking hundreds of questions to God why he let’s certain events happen to people with catastrophes, death, hatred, etc. Towards the end of the service the band sang a song, and then played a video from the Willow Creek Leadership Summit called, “A Thousand Questions”. I was even more moved. Tears flowed from my eyes and I sat there answering my own question, one that I was afraid of for so long. I want to make the commitment to the church and become a member. I want to know more, I want to have faith and I want to grow. To become a member I will have to attend six-weeks of study and then at the end the elders vote to accept you into the church. They present the new members at any service and since I am not baptized this will be done at that time as well. I could not be any happier with my decision of finally making the commitment to God and to the church.

Below is the video they played last night. With my background in poetry the spoken word they portray literally moved me and I just had to share. Some of you might have already seen this but here it is anyway.